Monday, 02 March 2009

• Bottom-Line-It, Baby!

  This personal lesson is coming from a sincere heart. I just hope it's not too late to be given the chance to apply it.

  As a new secretary I wanted to impress my boss by having all the facts laid out within a well-detailed paragraph of information. I felt that if I fully explained the entire case I was presenting, and if all the necessary elements were included with a full description as to their relevance, there would be no room for question as to what was needed. After pouring my heart and soul into the project, I proudly walked it up to his office on the second floor. He looked at it. He looked at me. And then he said, "I appreciate your hard work. However, from now on when you bring something like this to me, I want bullet points. Tell me what matters, and tell me in one sentence or less at the top of each section of dot points. In other words, Brenda, if you want me to read it, bottom-line it." Sam Horn changed the way I do my work.

  From that moment on I have striven to be concise and specific and to head straight for the bottom line when dealing with business matters. No paragraphs - only bullet points. Now if only I could STOP doing that in my everyday life.

  My friend Carol and I were headed out to take a walk along Lake Erie - learning no longer to connect as teacher and student, as we had many years ago, but to connect as friends. She was telling me some of her first impressions of me since my return to the area, and said the main thing she saw was that I appeared to be someone that wanted to get to the point. I said what I saw, what I felt, what I wanted, and then was done. No thrills. No frills. In other words, I was bottom-lining it. She helped me to see that my lack of "fluff" in everyday occurrences might come across as cold or uncaring. At first, it hurt when she said that, because I internally pride myself in being a caring person. I mean, is it so bad to care about someone, but want them to tell you their problems in three minutes or less? :) And what is so terrible about having a list of things that need to be accomplished when helping a friend and leaving when the list is complete rather than stopping for tea or looking through their newest scrapbook for a few extra minutes? After all, I've got two more lists to work through before 7 pm, and I've got to stay on track, don't I?!

  Unfortunately, I have even found myself recently carrying this over into my relationships with men. I'm not 24. I'm not even 35. So at my age, I do think you know your "list" of things that matter. I have high standards for myself and for the men I choose to spend my time with. If it someday comes to the list of things for the man God has for me to marry, I want us each to love God first. I want us each to love each other exclusively. And I want each us to LIKE each other. This was my mother's "list" and she's been married 57 years! I don't intend to "settle" and I don't intend to lower those three important standards. I'm a daughter of the King, for cryin' out loud - and I expect to be treated like one!  :)

  However, it's the "getting-to-know-you" process that is hard for me these days. I find myself heading for the bottom line from the start of the process. You're here just for a good time? Bye. At this stage of my life, I don't "date" for kicks. You want someone with red hair? Bye. At this stage of my life, I know what color works best for me. You want someone tall, gorgeous, and modelesque? Well, then I'm your gal! (Ha ha! Just wanted to see if you're still with me!) But then it comes to things that matter to a greater extent - the things that matter on the next level. These are things like musical tastes, favorite pastimes, beliefs and philosophies, and a sense of humor. This is where I have realized that the "Bottom-Line-It, Baby Principle" doesn't always apply. If he gives one "wrong" answer, is he gone? Am I gone? What if my mental checklist only has half of the "X" in a few of the boxes or if some of the boxes remain empty?

  I'm almost embarrassed to say that for the first time it has hit me that this is what maturity and love are all about - the art of compromise and giving up what matters to me if it doesn't matter as much as something with greater weight or consequence to the other person. Sometimes you look at what you thought to be the bottom line, and realize that bullet points might not be the solution; sometimes there are descriptive paragraphs that are necessary along the way when people and lasting relationships are on the line. So maybe the real bottom line is this:

  * Paragraphs take longer to write than bullet points, but their beauty is worth the effort. 
  * Paragraphs may require the use of an eraser now and then in order to delete unnecessary words. It may require changing pens in order to add elements which may enhance the appeal or color of the words. The author may need to choose to rephrase an objectionable element for the sake of the reader.
  * Paragraphs often require the writers to painstakingly fine-tune the end result.

  But the ultimate "bottom line" - - -
  * Bottom-lining something should be kept in the realm of business. People and relationships? They deserve paragraphs.

   

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